my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my liver is dry heaving
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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