So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
