I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dicks are not precious.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize