Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
