When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
