Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
