Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
