Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
