Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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