So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
