guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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