fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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