from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
