Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You don't make any sense
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