And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
