alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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