Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
