ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
