No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
