Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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