you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
