p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The air was thick with penises
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
