took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize