I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
