if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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