I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
