I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
