I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize