I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
