Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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