I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
