Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
