I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
