Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i love accidental penises.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
