Reggie can tackle my bush.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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