Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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