Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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