Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
