I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
