I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Randomize
