He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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