so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
