Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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