i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
