is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize