like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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