why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
