two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
