I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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