I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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