I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
