its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We are two peas in an std pod
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
