I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
