i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
