found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
