Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
