I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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