He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize