feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
