i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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