Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
