i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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