i wish my penis had a tongue
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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