are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
