Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
